:: Always the Freak ::

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
:: welcome to Always the Freak CLICK HERE FOR THE NEW BLOG HOME: ATF v2.0 | | ?WHO IS JENN? |

Taste of San Diego, 9/2006
At the yummalicious Dussini in the Gaslamp.




[::..archive..::]
:: ARCHIVES
[::..ABOUT ME..::]
Just Watched:
Reading:
[::..Dailies..::]
:: A Work In Progress::
:: Bacon & Ehs::
:: ectophensis ::(Taco Shop Psychic)
:: Geese-A-Plenty::
:: Grillboy.net ::
:: Insignificant Thoughts ::
:: Crazy Island ::
:: Leftbanker ::
:: Outhouse Rag::
:: Tyler ::
:: xxcentrik ::
[::..Sometimes..::]
:: Six Different Ways ::
:: Sam-I-Am ::
:: Freak Girl ::
:: Easily Amused::
:: Badmouth::
:: Picnic, Lightning::
:: In Passing ::
:: Home Brew Adventures ::
:: KAYMC ::
[::..JenBoggles..::]
:: The Jencyclopaedia ::
:: Jenn Blogs ::
:: All Things Jen(nifer)::
:: Jen Bennett ::
:: Jenny Apple ::
:: Jen Speaks ::
:: Piehole ::
:: SnarkSpot ::
:: Very Big Blog ::
:: The Working Mom ::
:: Welcome to Jennville ::
:: What's Brewing ::
Listed on BlogShares
[::..Funny as Hell..::]
:: Stocker Mentality ::
:: Interesting Google Searches ::
:: PEEP Research ::
:: Cockeyed Science ::
:: Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About ::
:: Nude Carrot Man ::
:: Something Awful ::
[::..NASCAR..::]
:: NASCAR.com ::
:: Jimmie Johnson Fan Club ::
:: Lowe's Racing ::
:: Hendricks Motorsports ::
:: Jimmie Rules 2 ::
[::..Stuff I Like..::]
:: Pinball Promo Plastics::
:: Fellow Jeopardy Junkies, CLICK HERE! (This is Jennings)::
:: Found Magazine ::
:: My Wishlist ::
:: Jersey Girl Diary ::
:: Placebo Productions ::
:: Nick's NTN Site ::
:: News Askew ::
:: Honeyslide ::
:: Neil Gaiman ::
:: RoadsideAmerica ::
:: Everquest.com ::
:: Bored.com ::
:: WalMart Watch ::
:: My stupid personality test results ::
[::..Audiobooks..::]
11/07/2006
7 ~ The Innocent Man,
John Grisham
09/30/2006
8 ~ The Lovely Bones,
Alice Seebold
09/26/2006
6.5 ~ Rage,
Jonathan Kellerman
09/22/2006
8 ~ Girls in Pants,
Ann Brashares
09/15/2006
9 ~ Twelve Sharp,
Janet Evanovich
09/06/2006
7 ~ The Icon,
Neil Olson
08/20/2006
10 ~ Daughter of Fortune,
Isabel Allende
04/15/2005 7.5 ~ Envy,
Sandra Brown
04/12/2005
7.5 ~ The Crush,
Sandra Brown
04/13/2005
6.5 ~ The Conspiracy Club,
Jonathan Kellerman
03/08/2005
4 ~ Double Homicide,
The Kellermans
01/26/2005
5 ~ Courting Trouble,
L Scottoline
01/25/2005
1 ~ Full House,
J Evanovich
12/02/2004
10 ~ Small Town,
L Block
12/02/2004
3 ~ Darkly Dreaming Dexter,
J Lindsay
11/08/2004
5 ~ Cold Case,
S White
11/08/2004
8 ~ Four to Score,
J Evanovich
09/27/2004
9 ~ The Last Juror,
J Grisham
09/09/2004
0 ~ The Taking,
D Koontz
09/02/2004
7 ~ The Last Girls,
L Smith
08/31/2004
7 ~ Brave New World,
A Huxley
08/31/2004
4 ~ The Virgin Blue,
T Chevalier
08/31/2004
7 ~ Therapy,
J Kellerman
08/12/2004
3 ~ Good Faith,
J Smiley
08/12/2004
8 ~ The Survivor's Club,
L Gardner
06/29/2004
6.5 ~ The Second Summer of the Sisterhood,
A Brashares
06/29/2004
7 ~ Portrait in Sepia,
I Allende
03/29/2004
6.5 ~ Thr3E,
T Dekker
03/22/2004
6.5 ~ Blue Highways,
W Least Heat Moon
03/05/2004
8.5 ~ The Face,
D Koontz
03/05/2004
6.5 ~ Eyre Affair,
J Fforde
01/12/2004
8 ~ The Murder Book,
J Kellerman
01/12/2004
7 ~ A Cold Heart,
J Kellerman
01/02/2004
7 ~ Ambush at Fort Bragg,
T Wolfe
12/12/2004
5 ~ The Beach House,
J Patterson
12/12/2003
10 ~ The Bonfire of the Vanities,
T Wolfe
11/12/2003
10 ~ To Kill A Mockingbird,
H Lee
11/04/2003
6 ~ The Brethren
J Grisham
11/03/2003
5 ~ Hemlock Bay,
C Coulter
10/21/2003
8.5 ~ Jonathan Livingston Seagull,
R Bach
10/21/2003
6 ~ The Old Curiosity Shop,
C Dickens
10/14/2003
7.5 ~ The Sisterhood..
Traveling Pants,
A Brashares
10/01/2003
1 ~ Isle of Dogs,
P Cornwell
10/01/2003
9 ~ The All True Travels...Lidie Newton,
J Smiley
[::..Movie Grades..::]
10/2006
5 ~ Crash
09/2006
9 ~ Rent
09/2006
7.5 ~ Little Miss Sunshine
08/2006
10 ~ Talladega Nights
07/2006
9 ~ Cars
12/02/2004
0 ~ The Grudge
12/02/2004
7 ~ The Incredibles
12/02/2004
4 ~ Ray
12/02/2004
8.5 ~ National Treasure
12/01/2003
7.5 ~ Timeline
12/01/2003
4 ~ Haunted Mansion
11/03/2003
2 ~ The Hulk
10/12/2003
7 ~ Kill Bill, Part One
07/08/2003
7 ~ Terminator 3
07/08/2003
6.5 ~ Bruce Almighty
06/03/2003
6.5 ~ Amelie
06/03/2003
8.5 ~ The Italian Job
06/10/2003
6.5 ~ Matrix Reloaded
04/29/2003
6.5 ~ Identity
04/29/2003
6.5 ~ Anger Management
04/01/2003
6.5 ~ Dreamcatcher
03/25/2003
4 ~ The Banger Sisters
03/18/2003
4 ~ Bringing Down the House
03/18/2003
6 ~ Tears of the Sun
02/25/2003
5 ~ Daredevil
02/09/2003
7 ~ How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
01/24/2003
8 ~ Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets
01/10/2003
2 ~ Mr. Deeds
01/10/2003
5.5 ~ Lord of the Rings: TTT
01/10/2003
7 ~ Star Trek: Nemesis
11/12/2002
1 ~ The Transporter
10/29/2002
6 ~ One Hour Photo
09/04/2002
6 ~ Goldmember
08/27/2002
8.5 ~ Signs
08/13/2002
6.5 ~ Bloodwork
08/13/2002
5.5 ~ Vanilla Sky
08/13/2002
5.5 ~ Monster's Ball
08/7/2002
7.5 ~ Interstate 60
08/7/2002
7.5 ~ Escape From New York
08/7/2002
4.5 ~ Elvira's Haunted Hills
07/30/2002
4 ~ K19
07/17/2002
6 ~ The Bourne Identity
07/17/2002
5 ~ Halloween (8?)
07/8/2002
7 ~ Men In Black 2
06/25/2002
8 ~ Minority Report
06/18/2002
6 ~ Scooby Doo
06/11/2002
4 ~ Undercover Brother
06/11/2002
7 ~ The Sum of All Fears
05/28/2002
8 ~ Insomnia
05/21/2002
7 ~ Star Wars, Episode II - Attack of the Clones
05/14/2002
9 ~ Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone
05/14/2002
4 ~ Snow Dogs
05/14/2002
1 ~ Gosford Park
05/06/2002
6 ~ Spiderman
05/06/2002
6 ~ Jason X
04/30/02
3.5 ~ Murder by Numbers
04/16/02
7 ~ Panic Room
04/09/02
7 ~ Van Wilder
03/26/02
5 ~ Ice Age
03/12/02
4.5 ~ The Time Machine
03/05/02
2 ~ We Were Soldiers
02/28/02
7.5 ~ Blackhawk Down
02/19/02
7 ~ A Beautiful Mind
02/19/02
5 ~ Hart's War
02/12/02
4 ~ Collateral Damage
02/12/02
2 ~ Mothman Prophecies
02/12/02
7 ~ I Am Sam

:: Wednesday, January 30, 2002 ::

Oh...and I forgot to mention...is THIS so damned bitchen that you just can't stand it?!?! I WANT ONE!!!!!!!!!


Ooops...I wrote way too much crap for one day. I'll try to be good in the future.

:: Jenn 5:30 PM [+]

::
...
I just have one rant today. COULD they have a regular schedule for Buffy? I realize that I shouldn't be obsessed by a tv show anyway, but HELLO!?! Every week you don't know...is it new? is it not? I'm getting a little pissed at missing all the new ones and catching all the old ones. DAMN IT! I WANNA SEE BUFFY AND SPIKE DOING THE NASTY!!!! It's about damned time and I KEEP MISSING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr


sorry...just found out that I missed ANOTHER freaking new one.

:: Jenn 5:22 PM [+]

::
...
STATE OF THE UNION


Am I the only one who can't help but wonder if Georgie gets help from his dad on all of his speeches? Now, don't take this as me saying I dislike the guy. I'm actually sort of apathetic about him, but there is just this thought always running in the back of my mind that whenever trouble stirs, he's hot on the phone to Sr. asking, "What am I supposed to say now, dad?"


It has to be said that this WAS my first experience watching the State of The Union Address while in a bar and sipping Nutty Irishmen (notice that I pluralized IrishMEN...) I think this scenario actually makes the Address more interesting. I mean, who WOULDN'T laugh when George says "And I was so proud of our work I even had nice things to say about my friend Ted Kennedy", but with a drink in your hand, it's really hysterical. I especially enjoyed watching the faces of those who weren't clapping at some of his issues. It was fun.


PINBALL

Yes! I kicked butt at pinball. Okay, I wasn't like the big winner, the top scorer, nor did I win the roll-off, but I finally got killer scores!!!!!!!!!! (FOR ME!) Whooooo Hooooo Interestingly, on Medievel Madness, which I usually do the best on, I blew. Oh well. 82+ million on Addams Family! YES! I love that game. Why? WHo knows...it's hard as hell, but still. Sweet game. Why do I like everything HARD


MY CURRENT TOP FIVE PINBALL GAMES


1. Eight-Ball Deluxe
2. Addams Family
3. Medieval Madness
4. WhoDunnit
5. Whitewater?


These are the games I would totally own if I coud buy right now. However, I have to wait a year until I start buying. No problem. Time flies by so fast, I'll have them before I know it =) In the meantime, I'm so lucky to have a Jim around to loan me games...even if it is only FREAKING BLACK ROSE which BLOWS!


:: Jenn 10:34 AM [+]

::
...
:: Tuesday, January 29, 2002 ::
Okay, I added this comments thingy. I really don't think ANYONE but me will read this. No one I know is even AWARE of blogging so it's relatively safe. But, I thought it would be interesting to put up a comments thingy cuz what if someone DID read it. If I got a comment then I would know...right? Does it really matter if someone reads it? I think a part of it is while a lot of this IS private stuff, knowing someone out there COULD read it makes it like you are telling a real person instead of just a journal, but at the same time, it's no one who is going to cause major effect to my life. Or maybe I just AM a freak and I just like airing my dirty laundry? I think it will be interesting to see if anyone really reads this besides me. That is all.

:: Jenn 3:09 PM [+]

::
...
I dunno if I am ready to Blog yet today. My brain has been full of a million thoughts, but then as soon as I click on "Blogger" I get a blank sheet of white paper for my brain. Oh well. It seems that while my bout with silence isn't completely over, it is lingering a bit. I still am actually THINKING before I speak. Strange.


RANT


Okay. I think...no, I KNOW that I can do my boss's job better than he can. This is frustrating the hell out of me because there are so many things that need to be "fixed" here. I could fix them. I would make people accountable for their jobs, their actions, their interactions, etc. But he won't do it. Push it under the rug and shut the office door. Thats his philosophy, or so it seems. Now, he has done some good things for the program, but they are things I could have easily done. What keeps me from being the top dog? EDUCATION. Thats it. I've worked here long enough to know most of what goes on. I do all of the work anyway, but I do not have an education...my education is my experience. But, HE has a degree. Not just any degree, but almost completed his doctorate. Does a degree make someone smarter? No. It does prove dedication, I think. I think it does say something when you can complete a program of study. But it also says something when you work for a place for 5 years and learn all about it and how to run it, which is what I've done. Nothing I can do about it except get my ass into school and while there is a part of me saying "just do it", there is another part of me saying "yeah right". I don't know what I will do, but I need to get myself into a position to take his job when he finally decides to leave (which could be some time, since he hasn't been here all that long). Anyway...I needed to rant that.


There is one other thing that COULD theoretically happen. I could move. If the thing with HIM works out, part of that would be us being together which would mean I would have to move to San Diego. I would do it. I don't think my life is so permanent that I couldn't pick up and go. For love I would do it. I am vested with the county and I have 11 years of retirement, but that would still be there and I could start a whole NEW retirement. Obviously, I am putting the cart before the horse, but it doesn't hurt to see what COULD be. And it COULD be. Of course I would have to resign myself to living with perpetually frizzy hair if I lived by the beach, but hey...thats a small sacrifice for regular sex, right? Mmmm this is just the musing of what might happen, but I think about it. Hey after next week, HE may just be a distant memory. Oh well...I'm not supposed to be blogging about HIM.




:: Jenn 12:46 PM [+]

::
...
:: Monday, January 28, 2002 ::
SILENCE


I'm having a weird silent day. If you know ME, then you know this is weird. But sometimes, silence is really nice. I guess I only realize this when I spend a lot of time around someone very loud and/or who blithers on and on a lot. But back to me. For some reason I just don't feel like talking much today. On my morning break/walk, my friend asked me if everything was okay, because I was so quiet. I said yes. the funny thing was that I kept thinking of things in my head to say, but nothing really seemed to fit or seem important enough, so I just kept my mouth shut. I finally did tell them that I saw I Am Sam yesterday with my mommy. But that was pretty much my contribution to the word pool. I usually blither way too much, but I actually kind of enjoyed just not talking. I also noticed that people seem to feel really uncomfortable with silence. Okay, I am already familiar with this, but being the quiet one today made me notice it a bit more. They think of things to say just to break the silence. I say "THEY" but I do it all of the time, and why? I tell people way too much personal information. I share things with people who do not need to know these things and pretty much I am an open book. I wonder if today is just a weird burp in the world or if I can learn from this experience and shut my mouth a little more often. I hope the latter.

:: Jenn 12:58 PM [+]

::
...
:: Sunday, January 27, 2002 ::
Wow. So I didn't Blog yesterday. I was home all day. I was online most of the day. Yet, I didn't Blog. I wonder why? No, I know why. Sometimes I just don't have anything to say. Like today. But, I could have told how I saw Concrete Blonde on Friday night. I could have said, it wasn't bad considering I was deathly ill (exagerration) and Johnette was deathly ill (maybe not an exagerration) and had to "croak" out all the tunes (her words, not mine). But I didn't. I could have written about how I am missing HIM and going through withdrawls that the phone and the webcam just aren't good enough for! But I didn't. Oh wow..I guess I blew it. So, guess really all I have to talk about today is mundane stuff so whats thepoint anyway. Slept good for once...maybe I should lay off the vicodin more often! Anyway...I just don't have anything to write so I won't...maybe later.

:: Jenn 11:49 AM [+]

::
...
:: Friday, January 25, 2002 ::
So, whats the deal with pictures these days. I'm in a debate over what is best, digis or REAL pictures. I guess from the caps, you can notice that I like real pictures...defined by being printed on paper and able to be placed into an album that I am going to decorate with all kinds of cutesie frames and stickers, etc. Now my darling friend says you can take your digi pics with you whenever and wherever you want to, you can even buy a viewing frame thingy and you don't have to lug albums around. Okay, I can see that point, but what if your computer breaks? Your disk gets scratched whatever...ok ok your pictures could get Kool Aid spilled on 'em, but still. Don't get me wrong. I have had a digi for years and I love it and its wonderful for web pages and for emailing pics to people, but I just don't feel that a digital pic is the same as a real paper pic. I, of course, believe the solution is what I do...I get my pics developed with jpgs on an accompanying disk...then you have the best of both worlds. Yeah, I pay through the nose, but I get what I want and thats the most important thing to me. Of course, developing takes away from the instant gratification that I love so much, but well, thats life. Oh Yeah, PLUS I LIKE putting all of those little stickers and cut outs in my albums...I'm still new at it and it's FUN!!!

:: Jenn 2:43 PM [+]

::
...
:: Thursday, January 24, 2002 ::
And can I add...I just discovered that if I was in the Mob, my Mob name woud be "The Coin Operator". Now, given my proclivity for playing pinball and other coin-ops, I think this is VERY appropriate =) If you wanna know what YOUR name would be, go to The Sopranos mob name Generator

:: Jenn 2:05 PM [+]

::
...
Okay, I have a lot to say today. This will be sort of a long one. The thing is that as I am trying to fall asleep at night and my brain moves into overdrive I think of a zillion things to write about and then comes the next day and again, my mind is a fresh sheet of white paper. Today I remember what I thought. So I will start with


Parallel Universes


I have this theory...no, it isn't my own, but it's that every time you make a decision your life goes in a certain direction, but that there is a parallel of you that made the other choice and went the other way (Read Richard Bach's "ONE" ~ It has something of this theory in it). Because of this, there would literally be an infinite number of "you"s out there that made different choices than the "you" that you are. A little confusing? yes, probably. The gist of this is that I spend a lot of time wishing I could get a glimpse of one of those "me"s or several. I think about the times in my life when I made choices that particularly changed my life and I just wonder what would have happened had I made a different choice at that time. For example. I often wonder where I would be today had I not gotten divorced. I mean, I loved Richard but it just wasn't "right". But what if we WOULD have tried to work it out? Could we have salvaged it? If so, would I still be married now? Would I have children? Would I be happier? I'm not saying I am UNhappy now, I'm just curious. I could see how it could backfire though. What if I had an opportunity to glimpse back and I liked what I saw? How horrible would it be to know that the choice you made led you down a lot harder, less happy road? That would fully suck. For the most part, I like my life and I am happy for the experiences that I have had and realize that the sum of those experiences make me who I am today and thats not such a bad thing. But in thinking it over, I believe there are a few things that I WOULD do differently if I had the opportunity. Obviously that is a non-issue, but I think about this subject quite a bit...sometimes that in itself worries me.


My Love Life?


Okay now back to my usual subject. Haha I am very confused about all of this relationship stuff. I do really like HIM. A lot. But at the same time, my reasonable and logical mind tells me this is a bad idea. My emotional side says take a chance. I know that I've written some negative things about him here, but I think thats mainly my way of rationalizing my trying to just end the whole thing. Just like this morning. Well, the other night talking to him, he convinces me that ending it will be a bad idea. So I get to that place in my head and so I call him this morning to tell him that my boss approved my taking his birthday off from work so we can be together. He says "cool", but he is short with me. I realize he is heading into work with his work buddies all around him, but I need a bone here. With him everything is turn it off and turn it on, back and forth and that is getting to be a chore. Was I right to try to end it? Am I wrong to plan this day together thing? I don't know. I do know that when it's "ON" I am loving it. I love the attention, I have a great time with him, and it feels so good to have someone I really like to be with. But when it's "OFF" I question everything. I'm not obsessed as of yet (although you couldn't tell that from this journal), but I know that those feelings are definitely a possibility in the future. I don't even want to keep it from happening, but what I don't want is for him to make a fool of me. He seems so sincere when he is talking. He says the right things and when we are alone, he acts almost right (maybe not as affectionate as I prefer, but hey, can't have the world, right?). I guess I'm just not sure what is the right path to take. I keep saying lets wait and see, but I'm so not good at the waiting thing and he hasn't expressed any more to me than he really likes me. After this much time and as far as we've gone, you would think that there might be SOMETHING there that we can get out in the open, but it's still just a whole...lets wait and see. SO, I'm waiting, and I'll see.


Okay, while I do have lots more, I am going to end this now so I can get to work and just leave with the folowing affirmation (which I need to say over and over, damn it!!!)


So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains,
and we never even know we have the key.


The Eagles, Already Gone (I heard this song today!)

:: Jenn 9:17 AM [+]

::
...
:: Wednesday, January 23, 2002 ::
Wow, so I'm searching for a good idea for what to do on a all day date. I was sort of thinking about trying to do a whole weekend thing, but wow, I was surprised that things were much more expensive than I thought! I can go to hawaii for a WEEK for what a weekend in Cabo costs! wow! SO, we could do something like the whole amusement park thing again, but we've done that lately. I was thinking about the hot tubs in San Dimas...that could work, but thats not more than 2 hours at the MOST. Of course we could always do lunch and THEN hot tubs and THEN my place or something like that. Oh well...wish I had a little fairy to give me some cool idea.If it was about me I'd probably say lets go to Yosemite for the weekend, but it's HIS birthday. hehe


mmmm I just ate a Skor bar and it was yummy. Funny how I don't like chocolate, but sometimes I just get cravings for CERTAIN kinds of chocolate.


Okay, so I have been having freaky dreams again. Only these aren't like REAL dreams, but right when I am falling asleep and start dreaming I hear voices in my head. Sometimes they just say something really loud or cough or something like that and then I wake up. Sometimes it's really really loud noises. Then I wake up and start listening like something or someone is outside or in my house of something. Most freaky. maybe i should lay off the vicodin? hahahaha I actually can't really remember my dreams of the last couple of nights, but I do remember the weird loud noises and voices. One thing that is interesting is that most of my nightmares lately (and, yeah, of course I have tons of nightmares) are double nightmares. I am asleep and dreaming that I am asleep and having a nightmare. SOmetimes when I wake up from the dream nightmare, I am still having a nightmare or having a different nightmare in my real sleep. Does that make sense? I know what I am saying. hehe It is VERY weird! toodles!

:: Jenn 4:48 PM [+]

::
...
:: Tuesday, January 22, 2002 ::
well here I am again. AND I am going to do it again. So I tell HIM tonight I don't think it is going to work out and as usual he talks me into changing my mind. I haven't REALLY changed my mind, but I am going to wait a little longer and see how things go. I'm actually talking to him now. He is emailing me a song by Nickleback. Again, I am so behind, I don't know who the hell all the new people are on the radio. Can't I just live perpetually in the 80s??? That would be a good thing. Okay, to me it would be, perhaps others might not see it that way. BUT in the 80s I would still be skinny and wear a lot of leather and look slutty all of the time. That could be fun. Not like I don't already have everythign since I am a PACKRAT!!! hahaha


Oh yeah, pinball was pretty much a bust. Besides me being sick I was playing awfully and sucked big time.


okay...nuff for tonight. gotta wrap Shell's presents.

:: Jenn 10:21 PM [+]

::
...
:: Monday, January 21, 2002 ::
Well, I've been gone for the weekend, so no chance to write until now! Talk about a BUSY weekend, though! Wow...Supercross Saturday night, then Disneyland ALL day yesterday. I have no voice, I ache all over, but it was a lot of fun =)


Bonus: lack of interest thing...well, it really worked in my favor. I am suspecting that he felt the drop in intensity too, but neither has said anything about it. I think that if I hadn't had the drop in intensity I would have been bummin this weekend because perhaps he is a bit too friendly with the ladies for my taste? Do I use the word "lady" incorrectly here? ummmm okay, anyway.


I am so whooped, but I had lots I wanted to get done today...OH WELL I am spending my day reading which is really nice for a change! Well, except for this short visit to the computer world. Had to blog and want to look for some crab to buy to make crab cakes...okay...nevermind, that would take too many more keystrokes and I am tired of typing now....mas manana

:: Jenn 2:14 PM [+]

::
...
:: Thursday, January 17, 2002 ::
Okay, I REALLY wanted to make this Blog a little more positive since I have been so whiney lately, but damn it I am having a hell of a day. Talk about a ton of crap going wrong...BUT, I am going to be Pollyanna here and try to find the good in all of it. Ummm I did say try, right? Hey, one good thing is I'm not sick today! =) And then there is the fact that I am actually accomplishing stuff at work That always pleases me, because then I feel like so much less of a flake. Tonight I am going to go home, take a shower, slip into the jammies and just JELL OUT!!! I'm very happy about that! I hired an assistant and that was a good thing since I need help, but damn it, can I hire a maid??? My desk is now worse than my room! yikes!

Oh! Last night Martha Stewart came on. Now I hate Martha Stewart, BUT this was damned funny! Her whole show was about nuts...warmed nuts, roasted nuts, etc. OMG I was sure I was watching SNL, but nope..it was DEFINITELY Martha! hahahahaha That was great =)

:: Jenn 3:49 PM [+]

::
...
:: Wednesday, January 16, 2002 ::
Ugh...sick today. Food poisoning from Lake Alice, I bet. Couldn't go to work. Better now, but wasted day except for finally saw Moulin Rouge. Good flick, but very different than I expected. Fun with the music choices, though!

Love

:: Jenn 9:07 PM [+]

::
...
:: Tuesday, January 15, 2002 ::
First the New Years Eve pics are UP! www.ieliving.com/partygirl

Well, it seems that I am still in the mode of "lack of interest" in him. How very bizarre. Maybe this is the way dating is supposed to be? It's been so long since I've dated! I've always become obsessed with someone, pursued them, hooked up, then somewhere along the line whether it be 2 years, 4 years, or 8years later something doesn't work and we move on. But this time, I dunno if I really "caught" him and already, I'm feeling so little that it is weird. I guess that is a good thing. Okay enough about all of that. Just something I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Time to pay the piper for my flakiness at work for the last 3 weeks...yikes! I am working my BUTT off this week! Projects galore...yipee!

Here is my biggest problem in life right now. I CAN'T GET THIS DAMN VIDEO CARD TO WORK IN MY COMPUTER!!!!! This IS a problem because I want to play Everquest and damn it I can't play everquest with my lousy 4 megs of video RAM...this is all just wrong... I have these pretty boxes stacked in front of me...I have gobs of RAM and all I need is the stupid Video Card to work....and of course, so busy at work no time to call the company today. Tomorrow... tomorrow, always tomorrow. My brother probably hates me...he's put all this money into me being able to play EQ and still no go, no show.

:: Jenn 10:47 PM [+]

::
...
:: Monday, January 14, 2002 ::
The truth is (and you probably will deny this if you are one of them) that people almost IMMEDIATELY lose all common sense and logical thought processes once they get letters behind their names. Case in point, I work with nursing staff. Now these people may have once known how to use a copier, but now...blank stares. Second case, I was sitting in a meeting this afternoon with the heads of many Public Health Programs in our county. A discussion arose about the use of outstationed staff carrying/using pepper spray. The chairperson explained that it is department policy that pepper spray is not approved for use by employees, but that if the employee felt the need to use such pepper spray, it would be upon their own liability. Sounds logical, right? A few people questioned that statement and said, "well they took county training, so therefore they should be sanctioned by the county". It was discussed that some county departments approve the use of pepper spray. It was also restated that the Public Health department does not condone or advocate the use of pepper spray and any use by employes is upon their own liability. I was tiring of this round and round conversation, so noticing that I had received a telephone message, I went into the hall to return the call. I assumed that by the time I returned to the meeting we would be onto a new and exciting topic that wouldn't effect me. No, I was wrong...the question was AGAIN being asked, well if the county provided the training, wouldn't he employee be able to use it? To which, yes, it was estated again...the Public Health department does not condone or advocate the use of pepper spray and any use by employes is upon their own liability. Oh no, that wasn't the end, this continued for ANOTHER TEN MINUTES!!! MOST OF THESE PEOPLE ARE HIGHLY EDUCATED LEADERS OF THEIR PROGRAMS!!! Now, I don't claim to be the end all, but being around people like this makes me NOT want to further my education. I feel that I am intelligent and have good common sense and i'm scared to death that if I ever were to get letters I will turn into a moron! Just my rant for the day. (actually It's more like my rant of the decade...this is not the first time I have discussed this issue)

:: Jenn 4:50 PM [+]

::
...
:: Sunday, January 13, 2002 ::
How many times can one person watch re-runs of SNL? I think I've seen this one at LEAST 6 times.

:: Jenn 2:25 PM [+]

::
...
An interesting thing is that I have always been voyeuristic, but who would have ever thought that I would want to peek at the lives of teenagers. Yet, here I am reading through other people's BLOGS! Now, I know there are plenty of adults, but c'mon, mostly they are the writings of kids...granted kids who kick my ass all over the place when it comes to web design...Geez, I would be embarassed for them to see MY websites! haha What makes it so interesting to read what is happening in other people's lives? Are ours so terribly dull or are we just looking for someone whose life is so much worse that it makes me feel better!?!

The day I signed up for this blog, I had a million ideas of things I wanted to write about and now, when I get on here, my mind goes blank. I do like having a journal, though, so even if this gets as boring as hell then at least I am still keeping a journal which I have done off and on throughout my life. (More off then on!) Maybe having it on the internet will make me do better.

I'm off to my nice clean room and freshly laundered sheets now...

:: Jenn 12:56 AM [+]

::
...
:: Saturday, January 12, 2002 ::
I guess the question I have is are we ever satisfied with what we have? I had a great night last night, but today mulling it over, I wonder WHY am I not more obsessed/attached/whatever. Okay, so I spend most of my time worrying that I am going to become attached to HIM and then when we have a pretty neato-skeeto time, all of a sudden, I start thinking, maybe he isn't the one. Obviously, I can't possibly know if he is the one or not at this point, but now I'm thinking about just putting a stop to the whole thing. It's all so confusing. I KNOW I have this problem that I am always attracted to impossible people. I figure it must be a emotional protection response, but this time, he is SORTA available and am I losing interest? Or am I protecting myself by putting up walls? Or do I just know that he isn't going to work out so just move on now? Why are chicks so emotional. Why is it so difficult to just have a rad sexual relationship without all of the baggage? Of course, maybe because he doesn't measure up in the sex dept to my last love, I am disappointed. It's true that the anticiaption is sooo much more cool than the actual act is shaping up to be. Sometimes with sex, the first couple times are incredible and then it tapers down...other times, it starts out so-so and with experience about each other it gets more and more cool Maybe I am just a selfish lover and so is he? haha Maybe I should open my mouth and say what I want instead of just going along? Ahhh who knows? I have much to think about all of this, I think. And, should I go to this party tonight? I'm so not in the mood for it, but I feel like I SHOULD. I guess I'll just see how it goes. I will watch my movie and see how I feel...also if someone calls to ask if I am coming, maybe I will say yes and just go. I do so like my little Vic and it is his Birthday and all. Hmmmm Too damn many decisions. I just feel like cozying up in warm PJs. Okay...I am, in fact, rambling so I will go.

:: Jenn 7:09 PM [+]

::
...
:: Friday, January 11, 2002 ::
ACK! So I sooooo do not have time to be "BLOGGING" but....hehe Took the day off of work to get my place ready for HIS arrival. Expecting HIM at 6, only HE just called and said HE is on HIS way...looks like I have an hour less to get ready! Yikes! This is not supposed to be a diary about HIM...duh, it is supposed to be the diary about me. I guess this means I'm consumed by HIM? That scares the hell out of me. Tomorrow I will be more bloggable...how many blog words can I make up? HEHE I DO have lots to say and lots to explore, I just am way too much of a freak today! BYE

:: Jenn 2:56 PM [+]

::
...
:: Thursday, January 10, 2002 ::
So last night once I had been talked into getting naked for my WebCam HE says:

"Cheap Costco Computer, $549.
WebCam, Priceless"


I laughed my ass off =)

:: Jenn 9:35 AM [+]

::
...
:: Wednesday, January 09, 2002 ::
Okay, well, the thing thats bugging me today is I absolutely HATE being such a techno challenge. It bites. Ir emember I was the first kid on my street, NO! In my TOWN to have a home computer...I used to be able to add hardware, and I knew it ALL...somehow as the time goes by, my brain turns to mush and I feel more and more clueless. Okay, example (yeah, I'm old...deal with it) I wanted to know what the hell all of this 1337 shit was. Okay, I had a sneaking suspicion and definitely hoped I was wrong, but no, it's true...14 year old freaks are taking over the internet...it's just "the way of things", I suppose. At least I have one more thing to add to my 2002 dictionary of new crap I just don't know. (Granted, I can't say that it is necessarily *new*, but how 'bout new to me?) Anyway, I'm frustrated as hell about this. Do I have to spend every waking moment on the internet researching "terms" that some kid made up??? Yikes! oh, Wait! I DO spend every waking moment on the internet...guess I just need to adjust my searches.

I suppose the interesting thing that has happened since discovering this blogging thing (okay, and good god..could the problems BE fixed...it's taken me all day of checking back before I got the stupid "PUBLISH" button and after typing it said no publishing again ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!), is OTHER PEOPLE'S WEBSITES. Wow, what fun. Besides my natural voyeuristic tendencies giving me a glimpse into other people's lives (some more boring than mine!), I have found endless sources of laughter. After discovering Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About My whole office and I spent all day laughing until tears rolled down our faces!!! Thats the kind of mindless crap I need in my life...stuff that makes me laugh. I love to laugh...

:: Jenn 2:01 PM [+]

::
...
Okay... a new day has dawned. Yawn. I am soooo not a morning person. I am having SO much trouble getting my lazy butt out of bed in the AM! I suppose it would help if I actually went to bed early, but yeah, thats going to happen. Lets see...the good news: I'm way less whiney today. Talked to HIM last night TWICE and things seemed good. Okay he didn't actually say he missed me, but he agreed when I TOLD him he did hahaha I also put in a vote to have him come up to visit me this weekend...we'll see what happens. Okay, enough about all of that stuff. Last night...Pinball League. Had Fun, played okay (got in the roll off, for those out of the know, this is a good thing. Lost the roll off, for those out of the know, this is a crappy thing), got free food. Didn't drink any booze even though HE told me to have a drink for him. I really don't drink all that much anymore EXCEPT when in certain situations (and then I get so drunk I can't go home and have to crash on the nearest floor...sigh). And then that causes me to smoke and that pisses me off. I HAVE to stop smoking. I stop, I start, I stop, I start. I hate it. I want to be able to work out and breathe. Now that I am going back to the gym next week, HOPEFULLY that will again give me that incentive to do it again. Okay, this is about the boringest (yeah, I KNOW it isn't a word) post ever. I like the part where I use a lot of parenthesis. I notice this must run in the family because my brother does it as bad, if not worse than me! Okay, nuff said.

:: Jenn 9:12 AM [+]

::
...
:: Tuesday, January 08, 2002 ::
I have to just add one thing here.....I HATE when people write something like "I'm just chillin'" It sounds so stupid and juvenile...okay, I realize that I am 33 years old and a little (Lot) on the juvenile side, but that is fully a pet peeve! (Particularly when I am on AOHell and some little 18 year old kid IMs me asks what I am doing and tells me he is Just Chillin' Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!) I just needed to get that off of my chest. That is all.

:: Jenn 3:40 PM [+]

::
...
Well...so what the hell is up with this Blogger thing anyway? I couldn't post last night. I couldn't post this AM, well until now. Don't they know you can't just get someone all excited about an idea and then just yank it away until, "later"? And by the way if I have a zillion typos, tough cookies, I'm in a hurry because I am at work an it is almost break time!!! I have so many different things I want to write about, but of course, it would be WRONG to write them all at once and people may fall asleep while reading! I was thinking of going back in time just a little bit and telling a story, but that was last night and now I am too obsessed with my stupid mistakes. Yes, it's true, I make mistakes, but maybe it's my first mistake of the year and maybe I will learn my lesson and the rest of the year will just be DANDY! Yeah, right. So anyway, being the chick that I am...after a very long nice telephone conversation last night Ihang up and start panicking...did he seem different? Was something wrong? the usual panicky shit. So, I brilliantly CALL HIM BACK! and yes, I said it... "Has something changed?" What a moron. Of course he says no, but if it hadn't,me being a freak should have pushed that over the edge. Ugh. Well, I will suck it up and wait it out.

The good news was that last night was my most wonderous massage by the angel knows as Annette. That was great...I dunno how I ever got along without my monthly therapy! heaven on earth. Ijust wish that we didn't talk as much, but it is so hard because we have so much to say being we only see each othr once a month. We have so much in common, it would be cool if we could be friends outside of the monthly massage appt. We have talked about doing things, but never happens of course. I'm not that good with friends anyway. When you start having too many you end uop not seeing them that much and they aren't as close and I prefer a few close friends to many casual friends.

Oh one other thing...I have to learn how to add links to this...man, I found some great pages that I would like to add so that I don't forget them! I surf the net all the time, but until I started reading other people's blogs, I just never looked at some of the very cools tuff I have been seeing =) okay, over and out...already writing too much. Give me a week, I'll start forgetting.

:: Jenn 9:35 AM [+]

::
...
:: Monday, January 07, 2002 ::
Oh brother...I hope I can delete if this ends up showing up twice. I THINK there was a post and now there isn't so what the hell did I do wrong??? You'd think I was technologicaly challenged with my bad luck with computers, etc lately! SO now I have to start over...I hate that. Hmmmm...I can't type the same thing over again because it will feel weird. So I have to type something else but that has the same meaning as what I wrote before. Does that make sense? Well, if not, mabye I won't get any other freak except for me reading over this rambling blither. Tomorrow will be easier to write...I will feel like I have already started whereas right now I feel like there is too much to say but trying to put it all down would be terribly boring. God forbid I'm boring! I'm obsessing over Sex and the City today. It started again last night. I love that show. It's my favorite because it is so real to me. Okay, most of us aren't skinny, hot rich chicks that can afford $400 shoes, but still the emotion is real and the situations happen whether you're one of THEM or one of us regular chickies. and I AM a regular chickie. But the whole relationship crap going on is hitting home. Here is slut girl, Samantha, actually FALLING. It's crazy. SHe tries so hard to just be free and easy (pun? haha). She knows that if she gets hooked, she is going to end up unhappy...I so relate to that. But then here she goes getting hooked. man, I relate to that. I have fought and fought it off, but I can't help it...he is PERFECT for me! how nuts is that? Here goes heart...get ready to crack. Can I be wrong? Can this be the time it doesn't happen like that. Per my astrologer (okay, it's a casual thing, but she knows her stuff!), he is good for me...everything fits. It's a good match and the stuff we have in common is amazing, but...can it last? Is it way too sexual to get permanent? I guess I will strap in, hold on, and enjoy the ride...here goes!

:: Jenn 2:42 PM [+]

::
...

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?
Who