I also ran across this test on Jen's site. I thought that I oughta take it to make sure that I don't have a heart of coal and amusingly (is that a word?) I have a Heart of Gold! Funny... I answered that I would run away from the crying stranger. Hm. Okay... I'll take it. Mr. San Diego may disagree, but at least we're talking today and I'm starting to feel better. Oh! And, speaking of GOLD, we got our wedding rings today. I'm excited. I looked and looked and this was THE ONE so we went to Ben Bridge which was the only place I coudl find it. Mr. San Diego didn't seem to like my choice and I was a little disappointed, but after we got both of the rings (I like the one HE picked!) he finally said that he thought the one I chose was too small and that people were going to think he was cheap. I laughed and laughed, then. I got the one I want, you know? I can't stand the thought of spending a fortune on jewelry anyway, but I think this ring is absolutely beautiful and I know it's just the right one, because as I said... I searched and searched and could find nothing that holds a candle to it (at least to me). He said that was what was important, then. Which, duh, is true. We're excited about it and it was one more thing making me feel better today. He thinks I just have cold feet. Maybe I do... it's getting awfully close!
Yup, I'm still in bitch mode. Can't shake it and every second, I find more reasons to be PISSED at Mr. San Diego. Why? Still can't explain it, but I got nice and drunk last night and then I slept until 8:30 this morning. I woke up and... yup, still pissed. I want to get over it. I do. But something in me is just keeping it going and accelerating it. How bad do I suck?
I'm in one of those bad depressed not good moods. I hate feeling like this. I have these flaws. They come from being in too many relationships that didn't work out the way I wanted them to, so suffice to say, I have a bad habit of assuming that every man is going to be just like all the past men I've known. This causes problems because intellectually, I KNOW it isn't so, but EMOTIONALLY (yes, I'm a chick) it doesn't matter what intellect tells me. Now I'm all obsessed with the fact that what if I spend my whole life not being able to trust Mr SD just because he's a guy.
Let me make a point here. HE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG TO CAUSE THESE THOUGHTS! I am just psycho. Then I start getting all freaked out. How can I get married if I don't trust him? NO reason not to trust him, but it isn't fair to marry the guy if I'm always going to be suspicious of everything. Why do I have to be suspicious? Why did these MEN in my life fuck things up for me? I just want to stay in my happy little blissful cocoon, but no... one little comment and all of a sudden I'm all psycho and funky. All because people have LIED TO ME and CHEATED ON ME and TRIED TO TURN THINGS AROUND ON ME and MESSED WITH MY HEAD. Now I have this perfectly lovely man who loves the hell outta me and I treat him with my suspicious mind. Why? All because he didn't answer right away when I asked the simple question... "why did you want to get up at 4 this morning?". Uh, you wanted logic? We don't serve that here, mister... you want logic, you go find another blog.
Okay people. Here's the deal. You know me and how I like getting things free and there is this program to get free movie tickets. Basically you get a bunch of people to sign up and for every five who sign up you get a free movie ticket. So, I'm inviting you... naw, I'm begging you... to go sign up. Here's the link... THANKS!
You're mired in a deep depression that encompasses you and everyone
you know. You're trying to get out of the depression, but your idea of help is, in
itself, pretty sad. While some are convinced that this all has a deeper meaning, you're
really just dull and tedious. And utterly obsessed with dust. You really need to focus
on something other than dust. Your best moments center around turtles.
I'm playing hookie today. I overslept and so I called my boss and told him I just wasn't up to coming in today and I'd like to take the day off if he didn't mind. He didn't. So, I had grand plans to get some things done, of course. But, I spent most of my day shopping... between Target and the grocery store and stops to two banks, my day is almost gone! I need to put everything away and clean my kitchen floor, change my linens and do some more laundry, then make my man some chicken and dumplings for dinner... and then I can relax. Maybe I should have gone to work? heh Today it was sort of about the drive. I had no idea the rain was going to stop and I just was dreading the loooong drive witht he idiot pack. I'm sure the rain should start back up for tomorrow and my return :::sigh:::
Good news, though. My first daffodil has bloomed. I am way excited about it. We planted bunches and they should all start blooming soon... Hopefully the weeds won't get too tall to see 'em through! haha Seriously, I have been letting my weeds grow since they are mostly green ones and don't look so bad, but I don't want hem to get taller than my daffodils, so I guess this weekend some weeding will be in order. Okay, breaks over... time to do some work.
So, I never came back and told tale of the fab dinner. And, it WAS fab. I like the part that we got a $126.94 dinner for $1.94. =) So, we started off with crab cakes in a remoulade sauce. Delish (although those crab cakes in Kona, Hawaii still remain my favorite - it's the sauce baby. I'm all about the dipping.). We each had soup; lobster bisque for Mr. SD and Butternut Squash for me. Mmmmmmmmmmmm... I had horseradish encrusted salmon and he had grilled pork chops. But, the best part of my entree, wasn't the salmon, but the crab taht came with it, there was a crab, corn and pepper relish type substance that was yummy, but the single crab claw with the melt in my mouth piece of crab inside, dipped in the creamy sauce accompanying it made my heart all a-flutter. After our dishes had been cleared and our linens scraped of crumbs, we ordered creme brulee, which ended up being a trio of individual and different flavored creme brulees: vanilla, chocolate, and coconut. We loved it. That's it. We loved it. It was a wonderful experience. I hope they liked my critique and I get another one of these things because I could easily get used to dining like that!
I'm sure you can tell that I'm still having difficulty finding time to blog, but I'll be back at every opportunity. Oh, and just for old time's sake, I just wanna say something about Hot Asian Lesbian Bondage Chicks and maybe a little something about Girls Gone Wild. It's been awhile and I just felt the urge to do that. Must be all the talk about Tyler.
One year ago today, a young man with tremendous potential and a wicked sense of humor lost his life in a car accident. Tyler Trujillo was killed in a single car accident, in a vehicle driven by his best friend. There was no alcohol or anything involved, it was just a case of too fast for the conditions and his friend, who survived, has to live his whole life with this on his conscience. What a horrible thing to go through... from any end of it. I never met Tyler, but we enjoyed a year of emails, blogging, comments, etc. I'm probably one of the people who would wonder what on earth a 34 year old woman had in common with an 18 year old guy. Well, I guess in general there wasn't a lot in common, but we enjoyed talking and shared a similar sense of humor. Since his death I have had the pleasure of getting to know his parents through emails and pictures. I knew from Tyler that they must be great people, but I have really enjoyed corresponding with them. Tyler's mom, Joyce, shared the following letter with me at Christmastime this year. I thought this would be a good time to share it with you.
Tyler Nicholas Trujillo was born at 21:43 on September 4, 1984. He was passenger killed in a single car accident on February 16, 2003 at 19:00. There was full moon.
A. He was a son, brother, grandson, friend, cousin, nephew.
B. He was the hope of a family, a huge part of their future. On Feb 16, 2003, we went from a family of 5 to a family of 4; everything from that day on is changed. The events that day will forever affect our family gatherings.
C. He was to be the uncle, the husband, the father, the grandfather.
D. His humor, his personality, his curiosity were yet to be fully developed.
E. He was with us for 18 years, 5 months. He was 6’ 1”, 225 lbs.
F. He truly loved his family, he loved to be touched, hugged and have his back scratched. I scratched his back and 2 hours later he was gone forever!
G. He loved his friends, grandmas and grandpas and rottweilers.
H. He enjoyed learning and sharing his knowledge and listening to others, including some very special teachers.
I. We will miss seeing him fall in love, holding his first child.
J. He loved adventures and inventions. He loved cameras and taking pictures of his adventures and inventions.
K. He loved camping and fishing with his buddies.
L. He was our only son, only brother, only grandson, only nephew.
M. He was the male who would carry on his parent’s genes. The generation lost.
N. He was a genius. He planned to go to either ASU or CU in the fall to study math and engineering. His SAT scores were Verbal 630 and Math 680. ACT composite score was 29, which is the 95%.
O. There will be less laughter, less hugs, less love in our family forever.
P. We will no longer enjoy hearing him play the violin.
Q. He will not be around to fix the computer or help his dad fix cars or move the heavy things.
R. There will be no more Tyler sounds walking through our home, smells of steak on the grill, his presence in our home. Learning not to expect Tyler to walk through the door, down the stairs, into the kitchen, drive into the garage, call on the phone, and update his websites.
S. Not buying his favorite foods, no more gallon jugs of apple juice empty in record time. No shopping for clothes he would like, never seeing him buy his first motorcycle or his 240Z car.
T. There will be no groups of friends stopping over for Tyler, no more movie nights with the boys.
U. Broken connections to Tyler’s friends, forever. Through Tyler, we would have kept up on the progress of their lives as they go through college, get married, and have a family. All that will be missing from our family.
V. We will miss so much because of Tyler’s death, but the events and plans that Tyler will and has already missed out on are innumerable and irreplaceable. His big sister’s college graduation, his little sister getting her driver’s license, going to prom with his little sister, Matt and Bryan. Tyler met Bryan in kindergarten and Matt in 7th grade. Mother’s Day, events leading up to his high school graduation day, celebrating his graduation, reading his college acceptance letters, Father’s Day, Nana’s 81st birthday, his little sister, Halley’s 17th birthday, watching fireworks on the 4th of July with his dad at City Park, grandpa T’s funeral, his older sister, Leslie’s 23rd birthday, his dad’s 51st birthday, his own 19th birthday, and my 48th birthday, Thanksgiving, seeing Halley in Rocky Mountain High School’s orchestra concerts (Leslie and Tyler also played violin in these performances, being a part of the final song during the 30 th Holiday Stocking in 2003, as part of the Rocky Mountain High School Alumni), Christmas and New Year’s. Memories we will never have, the continuation of Tyler’s life and the impact he would have had on his family, friends and the world.
W. His hopes, dreams and plans, along with ours are lost forever. He was bound to accomplish great things in his life.
X. In complete family pictures, Christmas letters, no future Tyler stories, less laughter overall, not just because we’re saddened by our loss, but he’s not here to add to our lives.
Y. Tyler’s own words explain how he felt…”With my family behind me and God with me, how can I lose?”
Z. Will we ever really know how greatly our lives will be impacted by the death of Tyler Nicholas Trujillo? I just know he left here and is now somewhere else. We will eventually be together again. Until then I will smile and talk to him everyday. There are moments now that I wonder how I am suppose to breathe and somehow I do. XXX OOO Joyce, Tyler’s mom. It has been 10 full full moons.
Joyce, thank you for sharing yourself with us.
Tyler, I hope there are a few naked ladies up there in heaven to entertain you. xo
:: Jenn 5:43 PM
:: Sunday, February 15, 2004 ::
The Jennifer Way
So, the patio is STARTED. Just. heh The bricks are almost all painted brick color and then it started raining. So, I clean everything up, keep painting by hand the little spaces until it's POURING and I'm FREEZING and quit. Take a shower, eat (after throwing a tantrum because I'm crabby, cold and hungry), and the sun miraculously returns. Which I ignore.
Today was the Daytona. First race of the '04 season, so today was reserved for that and this evening we have reservations at a Fancy-Schmancy restaurant downtown, so no progress is made on the patio. Am I loser? Not totally. Tomorrow I am dedicating my whole day to getting the painting DONE. Luckily I had a four-day weekend. And Mr San Diego will be at work tomorrow while I get some work done. I can do it. I will do it. heh
Friday, we went to this NBA All Star Jam event in LA, which was ok, but I'm just not a sports fan and if I had to pick, the Superbowl Experience last year was WAY better. I guess if you're a fan, this woulda been pretty cool though. Of course the reason WE went was to pick up some McFarlane Basketball Ltd edition figures. The big excitement was Mr San Diego getting a SPECIAL Basketball card in a free pack of cards he got for filling out a survey. This is a card that is worth about $600 and that we are OF COURSE selling on eBay! We don't collect cards and we can use the money. New Dishwasher, here I come! WOOOOOT! It's the little things in life that make me smile.
Oh, and Mr San Diego went out, picked my up some roses and got on one knee to ask me to marry him. hehe FOr those of you who have been following along, it was Valentine's Day last year when I proposed to HIM. He's so silly. He always said I ripped him off, so I guess this was his chance.
Welpers, it's here. The 2004 Nascar season. Of COURSE Jimmie is still in the top ten in points after today's race as he has been since the beginning of his CUP career. I can't say Winston Cup, since now it's the NEXTEL Cup. Does anyone else worry about these cell phone companies taking over the world? Hmmm Anyway, there was a brutal wreck, of course, but everyone ended up being okay. Mr SD's guy, Rusty, wrecked, too and therefore came in real far back. He's bummed, but I was very happy with Jimmie's 5th place finish. I have no worries that he'll take home the cup this year. GO JIMMIE!!!
Now I have to go get gussied up for our dinner event. I FINALLY got a secret shopping assignment that I've been TRYING to get! Yup, the fancy restaurants are asking for my services now. We get to pig out and spend up to $125 for FREE. FREE, I say! G'Night!
Today I attempted to perform my civic duty and get selected for a jury. I failed. Just not my lucky number, I guess. I won't lie, I'm all over jury duty. I get paid for as long as they want me from my job and who doesn't want an opportunity to have a new job for a couple of days or a couple of months, knowing they'll make the same dough and get to go back to their real job when they're done!?! Breaks up the monotony. I actually served as an alternate on a capital murder trial back in '95, I think it was. I enjoyed the experience, but was pissed to not get to participate in the deliberations, even though they came up with the verdict I would have agreed upon. It's just a bummer to be on a jury for THREE months and then not get to participate in deliberations. SO, I would like to have another chance at it! But, alas, it is not to be.. not this time, at least. The bonus was getting off early and getting to do a little running around. Lowe's, Home Depot, Target, the bank... all the fun stuff. hehe AND, no 3 and a half hours on the road today... YEA!
I'm also excited about getting my paint for my project this weekend. I am going to paint my back patio in these really bright colors, do some tile work and turn my big "needs improvement, but has potential" patio into a Mexican Cantina. It's going to be very bright and very festive. I jsut have to make it through DOING it. I'm great at planning, just not so great at COMPLETING. heh But, I'm excited about this, so it will work... it's gotta work. What fun! AND, of course, it will requier a trip down to Mexico for some buying. Luckily we live just across the border, so we can be in Rosarito in 40 minutes or so. Okeydokey, I gotta go pee now and then, after carefully washing my hands, I gotta make dinner for my OLD man. hahahahaha I'm so evil, I gotta quit torturing the 40-year-old.
Our get together for Mr. San Diego's birthday was real nice. Not as well attended as if I had actually given people more than a couple day notice, but enough to end the night with a few hours of Texas Hold Em, which Mr San Diego and his Dad ended up with all the money! haha The great thing about having guests is the whole getting the house cleaned up part! haha Our house is looking really good right now and a project I planned since prior to moving in has finally been completed. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I painted 2 walls in my living room/dining room area red when we moved in and it's gorgeous. Everyone loves it. My plan was always to get some photos of our travels printed and blown up in black and white and do a "photo wall". Well, it's up and it's awesome. There are a total of 14 pictures, either 5x7 or 8x10 in lovely black frames with white double mats. They range from Machu Picchu to the 4 Queens to the back of my head on a roller coaster. If I ever get a way to display what it looks like, I will show you. I'm so proud of it and Mr San Diego is my hero for putting them up just how I wanted and perfectly straight. I would have thrown em up all messy because I'm sorta lazy, but he meticulously measured and used a level to ensure perfection and I LOVE it. Everyone was very impressed, too, which makes it even better. My house may not be a show place, but it does have it's touches of beauty, which is just like me. What a perfect match.
I think about Blogging almost every day. It isn't that I don't want to, it's more that I have so much happening lately that I just don't have the time. The point of and the bonus of having this blog was that I could finally really keep a journal and I did a good job for two years, so forgive me for being a slacker for a short period of time. I'm by no means stopping or anything like that, I just am at a time where I don't have any time!
I used to do almost all of my blogging at work and frankly, I work so hard and am so busy during the day that I can't find even a moment to stop in here and type a few words. This is okay... I should do my blogging while I'm at home. But, I leave the house at 6am and don't get home until 7 pm or later so the home time is limited. The last two weekends we had guests visiting. First my dad and one of his current girlfriends (I think he likes this one) and then my mom, followed a day later by my cousin/maid of honor. This weekend we're having a few friends over for a BBQ for Mr San Diego's big 4-0. Yup, he's OLD. haha But, we've spent every night this week doing some clean up around the place.
There is so much going on I don't even have time to write it all. I guess one of the BIGGEST things, at least things that are new is that we received some disturbing news. Mr SDs job is splitting into two offices: one in San Diego where he currently is, but a second in Garden Grove which is toooo far to drive from where we just bought our house. He has been asked to consider the move, but he hasn't been told he has to. But, I'm worried because he is the newest supervisor in his office and they are anticipateing having to transfer two sups. I've come to love my home even with all of the work that it needs and the time and money it's going to take out of my life and I'm so scared that we are going to have to sell it. Finding a home in Orange County will be almost as hard as it was in San Diego. Anywhere good is so expensive and while I'm used to the commute and could continue doing it, if I have to move, we're going to have to review who commutes how far because I don't want to live anywhere NEAR Garden Grove. Grrrr scary and frustrating, but my motto has always been to not worry about things when you don't even know if they'll happen anyway, so I'm going to wait and see. I just don't want to put too much into my house right now knowing that I might be leaving it later this year. I guess the good news is that we can already sell it for at least 25k more than we paid, so that's a bonus.
I'll try to get back and write some more. I have audiobooks to talk about, wedding plans to stress over, and work to bitch about. Hello to my pals who still drop by hjere once in a while and thanks for being patient with me.